Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Stupid Meat

We just bought a megaton turkey for the great Thanksgiving Day event at our home. I love meat, especially chicken; turkey runs a close second. So, it saddens me when I read articles about people buying tofu and mooshing it into a mound to resemble a big turkey breast. I've eaten tofu. I used to eat it all the time in Korea. Koreans know their tofu and they can really cook that stuff up! But there ain't no way you can cook up tofu to taste like turkey; maybe the brains of turkey or the guts of turkey, but not good ol' solid turkey breast meat. There isn't anything in the world that can replicate meat except meat, but then if that's your quest it doesn't make sense.

Wait, I may want to take that back. Spam is supposed to be meat. Its original purpose was to replicate a big ol' chunk of ham. But Spam is not ham. In fact, I don't know if anyone really knows what Spam is. Maybe it's tofu, old hardened tofu left over from the Korean War and doused with some kind of jellified sauce. Don't get me wrong, I like jelly, but not meat by-product jelly. That's just nasty.

What I find ironic is how there are so many recipes and sites on the Great Internet for tofu turkey or tofurkey (that's such a funny word, sounds almost like a cuss word) but the point of using tofu is NOT to have a bird on the table. I'm confused.

I think if I decided to go all out with tofu/no meat, on Thanksgiving I would shape my tofu like a celery stalk or tomato or head of lettuce. But then I would rename a "head" of lettuce to a "ball" of lettuce. Head sounds too much like meat.

Related video: Youtube "They're made of Meat"


broadcastmike said...

watch out for those megaton turkeys.... +6 rads per second without protection.

Pearl said...

Spam?! I love Spam. Then again, as a resident of the Great State of Minnesota, I took an oath.
I think that was an oath...
I was drunk at the time.